Communication

Communication Guidelines

Teaching your children to communicate effectively is essential to their future relationships and successful career. The main way children learn to communicate is through role modeling from their parents. After parents have looked at their parenting styles and made adjustments when necessary, effective communication techniques are logical and easily implemented. The main component in good communication is good listening. Children may tell their parents about what's important in their lives in interesting and confusing ways. Remember that when communicating with a child that no person, young or old, responds well to ridicule, humiliation name-calling, or sarcasm. It is in the best interest of the parent, in order to facilitate cooperation and respect, to follow the basic guidelines listed below:

• Let the child know that you are interested and involved and that you will help when needed.
• Turn off the television or put the newspaper down when your child wants to converse.
• Avoid taking a telephone call when the child has something important to tell you.
• Unless other people are specifically meant to be included, hold conversations in privacy.
• Embarrassing the child or putting him on the spot in front of others could lead to resentment and hostility.
• Don't tower over your child. Physically get down to the child's level then talk.
• If you are very angry about a behavior or an incident, don't attempt communication until you regain your cool.
• If you are very tired, you will have to make an extra effort to be an active listener.
• Listen carefully and politely and don't interrupt. Be as courteous to your child as you would be to your best friend.
• Don't be a wipe-out artist, the parent who reacts to the incidentals of a message before the child tells it.
• Don't ask why, but do ask what happened.
• If you have knowledge of the situation, confront the child with the information that you know or have been told.
• Keep adult talking, preaching and moralizing, to a minimum.
• Don't use put-down words or statements: dumb, stupid, lazy: "That's stupid".
• Assist the child in planning some specific steps to the solution.
• Show that you accept the child himself, regardless of what he has or has not done.
• Reinforce the child for keeping communication open. Do this by accepting him and praising his efforts to communicate.

Not all Communication is Verbal

There are some tricks to effective communication. One is to remember that what you pay attention to is usually what you'll get more of. Remember to encourage as much as possible. Encouragement is a powerful tool because you don't have to wait for a project to be finished, you can encourage any effort toward a goal which typically motivates a child to continue doing well. Some communication is physical and there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to communicate physically. Developmentally, kids go through phases where they welcome physical affection and then are adamant that their parents don't touch them (especially in front of their friends). Below are common words of encouragement some non-threatening types of physical communication that can also be encouraging: